Since doing the Bufo ceremony, I dove into the darker energies and feelings like fear and shame and gave them space to have a voice. It was a real upheaval of everything I have ever been taught by society, by teachers, by peers, by the business world, by the media – which was to hide or push through fear and get through shame with our eyes tightly closed, as though those feelings never existed. By opening my eyes to those emotions, I got to move through them in a profound way. But then the other realization I had this week after sharing my shame out loud, while doing a lot of healing work with Alexa Robbins (brilliant intuitive), @jennifer_partridge (tapping guru), @barbarabiziou (baby blessing guru) and of course @laurenzander_coach (who helps me actualize them with real promises and consequences), was that on the other side of fear and shame is deep love and gratitude. To hold love and gratitude as our North Star is so so so crucial. (And ps. this is not a moment of kumbaya-love-gratitude-spiritual-bypassing-vibes, it’s actually where I genuinely got to, after a lot of tough hard work!) To dwell on fear and shame is like existing in a stagnant pond instead of being in an ever-flowing healthy river. To get unstuck is the aim so that all emotions can visit and be taken care of and then keep flowing. The ideal is to be in a flow in the direction of love and gratitude – THAT is truly where I got to. I finally understood what Buddha was saying all along – that suffering is a life truth and well-being is a constant practice. Well-being and love and gratitude are where we want to be consistently, not a fearful, burdened, shameful, angry state as our constant. So after the last month and a half of diving deep into fear and shame, and giving them space, I found the clearing I was looking for. I learned that we must keep flowing toward love and gratitude and being in a space of looking for miracles. The word “miracle” has a whole new meaning to me now after all of this and I am sitting in the genuine, awe-inspiring miracle of life, and I hope we all get to find it together.
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